The chapter titled “To Wives” in the book Alcoholics Anonymous (commonly known as the “Big Book”) has sparked debate and criticism since its first publication in 1939. Designed to offer guidance to the wives of alcoholic men, this chapter reflects the social norms and gender roles of its time. However, it poses several challenges in the 21st century as it encounters a diverse, modern audience that often finds its language, assumptions, and perspectives on gender roles outdated.
Historical Context and Content Overview
The “To Wives” chapter was penned by Bill Wilson, one of the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, during a time when gender roles were strictly defined and predominantly traditional. Notably, the chapter’s authorship is attributed to Bill Wilson rather than his wife, Lois Wilson, who had her own significant experience living with an alcoholic and later became a co-founder of Al-Anon, a support group for the friends and family members of alcoholics. Lois was actively involved in supporting Bill through his recovery and had a deep understanding of the struggles faced by the spouses of alcoholics. Despite this, Bill did not allow Lois to write the chapter herself, a decision that has drawn considerable criticism from both within and outside the AA community.
The chapter is written from a paternalistic perspective, with Bill adopting the voice of a wife offering advice to other wives. The text urges these women to be patient, understanding, and supportive of their alcoholic husbands, often suggesting a degree of self-sacrifice and endurance of hardship that aligns with the period’s gender expectations. This advice, while perhaps well-meaning, often reads as reinforcing a subservient role for women in the context of their marriages, perpetuating the notion that the wife’s primary role is to support and stand by her husband.
Challenges in the 21st Century
1. Gender Stereotypes and Assumptions: The “To Wives” chapter assumes a traditional heterosexual marriage in which the alcoholic is always a man and the supportive partner is always a woman. This language is not only outdated but also exclusionary, failing to reflect the diversity of relationships and gender identities in modern society. Many AA members today are women, and many have partners who are not men, making the chapter’s content less relevant and, at times, alienating.
2. Exclusion of Lois Wilson’s Voice: The decision to exclude Lois Wilson from writing the chapter is especially contentious. Lois had a profound understanding of the challenges faced by spouses of alcoholics, and her voice could have brought authenticity and empathy to the chapter. Bill’s choice to write the chapter himself, rather than allowing his wife to share her firsthand experience, reflects a broader issue of women’s voices being marginalized or overshadowed by men’s perspectives, even in spaces where women are directly impacted.
3. Modern Relationship Dynamics: In today’s society, family structures and relationship dynamics are more varied than ever. The “To Wives” chapter does not account for these changes, often speaking in a way that feels prescriptive rather than supportive. Many modern couples practice equality and mutual support, with both partners working outside the home and sharing responsibilities. The chapter’s advice often seems disconnected from these realities, failing to offer practical guidance for those whose lives do not fit the 1930s mold.
4. Need for Inclusivity and Relevance: Alcoholism affects people across all demographics, including gender, race, and sexual orientation. The chapter’s lack of inclusivity means it does not speak to the experiences of all individuals who may be dealing with a partner’s alcoholism. Today, there is a growing need for literature and support that acknowledges diverse experiences and offers guidance that is universally applicable.
5. Empowerment and Boundaries: Modern understandings of healthy relationships emphasize empowerment, autonomy, and setting healthy boundaries. The “To Wives” chapter, which often suggests enduring suffering and prioritizing the alcoholic’s needs over one’s own well-being, can conflict with these contemporary values. Partners of alcoholics are encouraged today to focus on their own mental health and well-being, seeking support through groups like Al-Anon or individual therapy.
6. Bill Wilson’s Perspective: Bill Wilson’s decision to write the chapter himself, rather than allowing Lois to contribute her insights, reflects a broader issue of the time: the silencing of women’s voices, even in areas where their lived experiences could provide valuable insights. This choice has sparked a dialogue within the AA community about the importance of diverse voices and perspectives in recovery literature.
Moving Toward a More Inclusive Approach
Recognizing the limitations of the “To Wives” chapter, many within the recovery community advocate for a reinterpretation or supplementation of this material with resources that reflect a more inclusive, contemporary understanding of relationships, gender, and addiction. Some groups have started to create alternative readings or provide context when discussing this chapter to acknowledge its historical roots and encourage a more expansive interpretation.
The “To Wives” chapter in Alcoholics Anonymous offers a glimpse into the cultural norms of the late 1930s, but it presents several challenges for modern readers. The exclusion of Lois Wilson’s voice, the reinforcement of outdated gender roles, and the lack of inclusivity all make the chapter feel disconnected from the needs and realities of the 21st century. As the AA community continues to evolve, there is an opportunity to create a more inclusive, diverse, and relevant framework for recovery literature, one that honors the experiences of all individuals impacted by alcoholism. By expanding the dialogue and incorporating a broader range of voices, AA can continue to be a supportive, welcoming resource for everyone seeking recovery.
