In the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, there is a moment, later referred to as the “White light experience” when Bill Wilson, now detoxing in the Townes Hospital has his first spiritual experience in decades. The year is 1934 and Bill Wilson has had his last drink and is now entering the hospital for treatment for what is to become the last time. He has been there a few days and spends a few hours there with Ebby Thatcher, an Oxford Group member who encourages Bill to embrace and practice the principles of the Oxford Group. On page 13 of the Big Book, Bill Wilson, works the Oxford Group practices, which would later become much of the 12-steps.
“At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens.
There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since.
My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability.
I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.
My friend promised when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements.
Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.“
-Alcoholics Anonymous, pg 13-14
Seemingly as a result of these “steps” or workings, he has a tremendous spiritual experience, later referred to as the “White Light” experience. He writes of it in the book on page 14 and in later writings, expands on it.
“These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound. For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane.” -Bill Wilson, page 14, Alcoholics Anonymous
His comments on the experience are expanded upon in Pass it On
“Suddenly, my room blazed with an indescribably white light. I was seized with an ecstasy beyond description. Every joy I had known was pale by comparison. The light, the ecstasy — I was conscious of nothing else for a time. Then, seen in the mind’s eye, there was a mountain. I stood upon its summit, where a great wind blew. A wind, not of air, but of spirit. In great, clean strength, it blew right through me. Then came the blazing thought ‘You are a free man. ‘ I know not at all how long I remained in this state, but finally the light and the ecstasy subsided. I again saw the wall of my room. As I became more quiet, a great peace stole over me, and this was accompanied by a sensation difficult to describe. I became acutely conscious of a Presence which seemed like a veritable sea of living spirit. I lay on the shores of a new world. ‘This,’ I thought, ‘must be the great reality. The God of the preachers.’”-Pass it On
For many of us reading this section of the Big Book, it seemed pretty apparent. Bill Wilson has just worked what would eventually become the equivalent of the 12 steps. As such, he has a spiritual experience. As an interesting side note, so profound was this experience that the original 12th step was written as “Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our lives.” Later, when others didn’t seem to have such profound spiritual experiences as Bill describes, the wording was changed to “Having had a spiritual awakening…” Is there more to this story that wasn’t told? Perhaps so. In an earlier page, Bill Wilson mentions that at the Townes Hospital he received what was called the Belladonna Treatment.
“Under the so-called belladonna treatment my brain cleared”-
So what is the belladonna treatment and did it contribute to the “white light” experience?
Charles Townes, the founder of the Townes hospital details his detox methods in a 1917 pamphlet called “The Alcoholic Problem considered in its Institutional, Medical and Sociological Aspects”
“I found in my early investigations in this matter that, in treating alcoholism, we had to deal with the narcotic effect of alcohol and not its stimulating effect. The definite treatment which we carried out is based on this medical formula:
- Tincture belladonna 62.0 or 15 ij
- Fluidextract xanthoxylum
- Fluidextract hyoscyamus. aa 31.0 or 15 j
We administered the above mixture hourly by the mouth in capsule, beginning with a minimum dosage of 6 drops. The dose is increased or decreased according to individual tolerance, and, as the action of belladonna can be easily noted by the extremely dilated pupil, dryness of the throat, and flushing of the skin, with ordinary thought and care, in the short interval of administration, there is never any necessity for bringing about extreme physiological action of this drug that is, delirium.
The physician who is not thoroughly familiar with the alcoholic would find it most difficult to differentiate between alcoholic delirium and belladonna delirium. He may distinguish between them by the fact that alcoholic delirium is always preceded by extreme tremor, while belladonna delirium is not. It would be easy in a chronic alcoholic to have a combination of the two conditions to deal with, and it would be very difficult for the inexperienced physician to diagnose such a condition intelligently.
The length of time over which this belladonna mixture is continued depends entirely on the individual patient, but it is given continuously and unremittingly, day and night, until we get a complete and perfect bowel elimination. We find that when we have a certain characteristic of elimination–a dark, thick, green mucous stool-there is a complete and definite physical change established. When this is followed up by a dose of castor oil, we have only to resort to temporary stimulation of the patient with a moderate amount of strychnine or some similar stimulant, possibly the giving of a stomachic of rhubarb, sodium, and capsicum, the careful supervision of diet for a few days, and within the period of a week, unless the case is one of old chronic standing and horribly depleted physically, we realize a definite medical result. The patient is unpoisoned and is physiologically free of his former craving.
Immediately on the admission of an alcoholic to the hospital, we first ascertain whether we have a case of chronic alcoholism. If we have, we immediately put the patient to sleep, for we have found that no patient can sleep and have delirium tremens. It makes no difference how long a period he may have been drunk, we do not deprive him immediately of the alcoholic stimulant he has been taking. We alternate with his alcohol a sedative, which is composed of
- ..8 percent
- Each fluid ounce represents Cm. or c.c.
- Chloral hydrate…..1.5 or gr. xxiiss
- Tincture hvoseyamus. 3.0 or 11 xlv
- Tincture ginger .. .. 1.0 or M xv
- Tincture capsicum ……. 0.25 or m ii×
- .sufficient to make 31.0 or f3 j
We repeat this sedative at reasonable intervals until we are able to produce sleep, avoiding, of course, the bringing about of any unfavorable condition; but this we are not very likely to get, giving the treatment as advised. We use catharsis very freely in our treatment here. We employ the compound cathartic pill, USP standard with blue mass; and we give from 2 to 5 pills, with 5 to 10 grains of blue mass, at intervals of from fifteen to twenty hours the first two or three days, as may be indicated in our study of the case. In giving the belladonna mixture, you may be sure that you will neither produce any unfavorable intestinal irritation nor get any cumulative action of the belladonna. No patient who comes to us full of alcohol need experience any of the results growing out of arbitrary deprivation.
The entirety of this pamphlet may be found under the resources section of our website. In a nutshell, the belladonna cure or treatment, consisted of several things, including 2 dissociative psychedelics, belladonna and henbane, which were administered every hour, day and night for an average period of 50 hours. With most dissociative psychedelics one of the effects is that it lowers the walls of resistance and opens one up to thoughts and beliefs heretofore inaccessible. Ketamine, for example, is a dissociative psychedelic and there are currently low dose ketamine assisted therapies, where the patient uses small amounts of ketamine and has a therapy session. For some this allows them to access traumas and thoughts that were previously blocked. In greater doses, ketamine has been shown to have some effects on treatment resistant depression. As an interesting side note, Bill Wilson struggled with depression for many years, including much of his sobriety. Its apparent in the history of AA that during its first several years Bill Wilson is anything but depressed. Later it does return, but for the first several years it appears his depression is lifted. Because of the limited amount of information about the belladonna treatment, we are left with several questions: Did administration of 2 low dose dissociative psychedelics in conjunction with concurrently working the equivalent of the Oxford group steps of Surrender, Confession, Restitution, and Guidance cause or contribute to his White Light experience? Did this conjunction become the single anchor point of his sobriety, giving him enough to maintain long term abstinence for decades? And, did these psychedelics contribute to temporarily shifting Bill Wilson from crippling alcoholism and depression into hope and purpose, lifting his depression long enough to catapult his life from ruin into successful creation and meaning? We cannot say. If you ask our members, some will say yes, others no, still others aren’t sure. As mentioned before, psychedelics in recovery tries to avoid dogmatic truths. What is truth and what is myth? Maybe both can exist simultaneously. We allow all forms of belief in our group. As mentioned earlier, there was a reason that the wording of the 12th step was changed from “spiritual experience” to “spiritual awakening”. Is it possible that the reason many later folks didn’t have a tremendous spiritual experience even though they had worked the 12 steps was because they were missing a part of what Bill Wilson experienced, his unintentional but prescribed usage of psychedelics during detox? Can a single psychedelic experience increase the changes of long-term sobriety in conjunction with other therapies? Who knows.
Perhaps if we travel a bit forward in time a bit, we might find at least a hint of a possible answer.
